Often times, i am so overwhelmed that someone actually love me in spite of knowing everything about me, that i forget to love myself.
Leave a comment
Life is not a plot; it's in details
24 October 2009 @ 01:30 pm
How typically immoderate of me, momentous in melancholy and extravagant in euphoria. I'm tired of weighing and calculating things in life. I question stupid things: How much does he love me? If i want to be at this position by this time, how many steps forward do i take today, per month, per year? What am i turning into? How much do i hurt from a scale from 1-10? How much of a social life is necessary so that i would be living up to my youth? I am turning older everyday, but how much really am i learning? I need a break, how long do i rest? When i don't know the answers, or the answers are not what i like to hear i get restless. Restlessness got to stop. i need to realize that some things are just not quantifiable.
30 September 2009 @ 12:22 am
Currently lining up the ducks in a row. Aiming's not that good yet, but i will get there. The ducks are going down, down, down, down. Surely.
Current Mood: determined
16 September 2009 @ 12:15 am
"Surely this is the worst part of being at the mercy of your own mind: the fact that there is no way out of the reality of being you, a person who is forever noticing the grime on the bricks, the flaws in the friends - the sadness that runs under the skin of things, like blood. It is a sadness that no one seems to want to talk about in public, at cocktail-party sorts of places, not even in this age of indiscretion. Nor is the private realm particularly conducive to airing this kind of implacably despondent feeling, no matter how willing your friends are to listen."
"It hovers behind the scenes, placated temporarily by medication and renewed energy, waiting to slither back in, unnoticed by others. It sits in the space behind your eyes, making its presence felt even in those moments when other, lighter matters are at the forefront of your mind. It tugs at you, keeping you from ever being fully at ease. Worst of all, it honours no season and respects no calendar; it arrives precisely when it feels like it."
-Daphny Merkin
"It hovers behind the scenes, placated temporarily by medication and renewed energy, waiting to slither back in, unnoticed by others. It sits in the space behind your eyes, making its presence felt even in those moments when other, lighter matters are at the forefront of your mind. It tugs at you, keeping you from ever being fully at ease. Worst of all, it honours no season and respects no calendar; it arrives precisely when it feels like it."
-Daphny Merkin
14 September 2009 @ 09:47 pm
01 September 2009 @ 01:32 pm
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried Slow it down Make it stop Or else my heart is going to pop 'Cause it's too much Yeah, it's a lot To be something I'm not I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out It's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go And just enjoy the show The sun is hot In the sky Just like a giant spotlight The people follow the sign And synchronize in time It's a joke Nobody knows They've got a ticket to that show Yeah
dum de dum dudum de dum Just enjoy the show I want my money back I want my money back I want my money back Just enjoy the show
Current Mood: awake
tired10 August 2009 @ 11:32 pm
It's like Greenland. One would imagine she's a spread of green, with trees whispering on the hills, dancing flowers: yellow, blue, pink, orange, birds: purple, red, blue. When really, you should have known better. Greenland is not green and sunny. She's rather somber and glacial. But sure, the wildflowers are still here... She's just not quite what you imagined her to be. If you were to look out of your window, you see an iceberg floating near the harbor. If you look slightly further, you'd see on the other side of the water, a polar bear lumbering at the perimeter of the ice bridge.
Frosty and chilly is no less spectacular. Just because she's not what you had expected her to be does not make her any less beautiful. She's just different, you know? Perhaps getting used to this, uh difference, just might take a while. Just a while, you'll get there.
Frosty and chilly is no less spectacular. Just because she's not what you had expected her to be does not make her any less beautiful. She's just different, you know? Perhaps getting used to this, uh difference, just might take a while. Just a while, you'll get there.
Current Mood: 
nervous
nervous10 August 2009 @ 01:35 pm
Say that I'm changed, say I'm different
Maybe I'll finally understand
Say I'll let go, say it's obvious
Oh, I tell myself over, over and over again
So tell me I'm strong, tell me I'm weak
Tell me I'll never, ever bend
Then tell me I'm fire, tell me I'm cold
Cold oh, I tell myself over, over and over again
And all the world can watch the choices you make
All the world can watch each tiny mistake
Let the world watch to let the world wait for you
So tell me I'm wrong, or tell me I'm cruel
Tell me I'd fight, yeah tell me I fought for the wrong things
But I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready to believe
I'm ready, I'm ready
I'm ready to believe
Current Mood: anxious
anxious26 July 2009 @ 05:44 pm
Got to delete her off my firefox's bookmarked pages now. Under her profile on her site.
"I am optimistic and sentimental to the point of being annoying, especially to people who think that being cynical and cold is cool. Everyday, I thank Allah for everyday things like the ability to breathe, the ability to love, the ability to laugh, and the ability to eat and drink."
My favorites by Yasmin Ahmad:
1) Chinese New Year
2) Percintaan Tan Hong Ming ♥♥♥
3) Funeral
Films
1) Sepet
2) Muallaf
Any good films directed by Yasmin Ahmad that you'd recommend?
"I am optimistic and sentimental to the point of being annoying, especially to people who think that being cynical and cold is cool. Everyday, I thank Allah for everyday things like the ability to breathe, the ability to love, the ability to laugh, and the ability to eat and drink."
My favorites by Yasmin Ahmad:
1) Chinese New Year
2) Percintaan Tan Hong Ming ♥♥♥
3) Funeral
Films
1) Sepet
2) Muallaf
Any good films directed by Yasmin Ahmad that you'd recommend?
20 July 2009 @ 02:16 pm
Awesome aid campaign for MTV
Director Mathieu Mortelmal
DOP Thomas De Hemptinne
Singer Esther Lybeert (really want the song, ugh)
16 July 2009 @ 04:06 pm
"There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."
05 July 2009 @ 03:08 pm
I looked at all the colorful balloons and i thought, if they were birds, they would want to be set free. So i took a few balloons, pushed my head out of the window, ah fresh air free from liquor stench and let the balloons go into the dark starless night. These balloons are going to make someone happy! You know how it is when you're just walking around, randomly, then you see an aimless balloon and you get excited? Omg, look balloon, it's flying, darn lucky balloon- fucking Flying! Okay. So i started stoning- yes favorite ol'hobby of mine. Someone pukes in the background, gross. Thank God it's not me tonight. I guess he can't help it, but it doesn't make it less traumatic. Stoned some more. Someone woke up and we talked, the kind of conversations you can only get when you're pissed drunk. Pissed drunk is coined from the fact that when you're drunk you piss every few minutes, yes? So we lied down thinking if i were to die right here, what would i see when i wake up again. I won't see god definitely, i say. Good, she says cause i'm a Buddhist. I laughed out loud, yeh there's no God in your religion yeh? That's a good religion. We got tired of speaking in metaphores and closed our eyes.
I woke up. Fuck, my heart is still dying. I looked out of the window. I saw the balloons i set free the night before. Smile. I guess dying is as decent a rationale as any to start living.
Current Mood: Dying
25 June 2009 @ 09:40 pm
I could have done without your stupid email telling me what you felt and how you're glad you don't feel it anymore. If your intention was to hurt me, then sweet love you succeeded. Yeah good game: F-1 D-0. Some people are so weird. If you had felt it then say it. I know i'm, mmm pretty insightful, and i claim to be a psychic but really- when it comes to you, i'm (gasp) powerless. It's tough. You make it tough. Hearing from you was one part invigorating one part pain. I guess, plenty of times tongue got into the way of forming words. I'm all about sharing man, but that's a piece of info i didn't have to know. Since you love peanut butter so much, let's use Skippy as an analogy. If we were peanut butter, you'd be crunchy and i'd be smooth. Heck, i prefer jam on my toast. Butter in your hands Okay glad you're there for 2 years, i don't have to disappear after all, it makes it easier to shrug it off.
Current Mood: 
frustrated
frustrated22 June 2009 @ 01:30 am
Omg her live performance! She started exactly how she did in the official video. I'm nuts over this Swedish lady. Please come to Singapore Lykke Li!
Current Mood: Happy/Sleepy
10 June 2009 @ 10:59 pm
"I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange? "- Beatrice Act IV
Current Mood: 
happy
happy28 May 2009 @ 05:30 pm
"Our Little Escapade" by
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
delysha Got me missing the beautiful sea life, especially the cheap drinks. Ahh... cheap drinks!
Current Mood: Aching neck
21 May 2009 @ 10:35 am
I've always believed we can fly. Just not Yet. Like how the news reported this program that teaches kids how to read with their eyes closed now (no, not brail/brale). How the fuck do they do that? Anyway. I dreamt of flying a lot. Like every week. My Mom used to say that if you dream you're flying means you are going to shift (house). Of course, you don't ever believe anything She says. I've been living in the same house for more than 10 years. So i read this poem of Alfian's and my dreams don't defy gravity anymore. Ah. When you are turning 20, and stuck in routine, it's hard to believe. Age is not just a number.
( Because then the sky will shed its metaphors of freedom & become another path for him to carry his burdens. ).
( Because then the sky will shed its metaphors of freedom & become another path for him to carry his burdens. ).